Needies are interactive plush dolls inspired by codependent, high-maintenance relationships.
Totally attention-starved, they compete with each other for human affection -- or, getting touch, as they like to say.
When you give Needies touch (by hugging and squeezing them), they will return your kindness with songs and shameless flattery.
But remember that Needies always know when other Needies are getting touch! If one Needie is getting touch while others are neglected, the unloved Needies will conspire to take its place.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Frightening!
So first of all I should say that I'm 50, and I live in Tampa Florida. As you can see from my photo, I'm making considerable effort and (hopefully!) having some success at staying young... maybe even childlike. But "why Peter Pan" you ask? Although Peter pan is definitely a boy, to me this character is perfectly asexual, and in his eternal childhood rejects the idea of growing up and leaving this behind.
Heard Good Music Lately?
The contract rider includes specifications on stage design, sound systems, lighting rigs, as well as an artist's wish list--from transportation and billing to dressing room accommodations and meals. In some cases, a promoter will refuse a demand (crossing out the request on the document), though stars usually get what they want, whether it's clean boxer shorts (Jane's Addiction), prune juice (Kansas), or an arrangement of tulips, roses, gardenias, and lilies (Janet Jackson).
Heard Good Music Lately?
Don't you just love Alanis Morissette? Doesn't her music just set your heart afire with the passion of misspent youth? Don't you wish you could write catchy pop hits just like she does?
Well now you can.
Well now you can.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Too Much Time
This site is devoted to the origins of words and phrases, or as a linguist would put it, to etymology. Etymology is the study of word origins. (It is not the study of insects; that is entomology.) Where words come from is a fascinating subject, full of folklore and historical lessons. Often, popular tales of a word's origin arise. Sometimes these are true; more often they are not. While it often seems disappointing when a neat little tale turns out to be untrue, almost invariably the true origin is just as interesting.
Finish Your Food!
Ever wonder what foods the Vikings ate when they set off to explore the new world? How Thomas Jefferson made his ice cream? What the pioneers cooked along the Oregon Trail? Who invented the potato chip...and why? Welcome to the Food Timeline.
Heard Good Music Lately?
What do Pink Floyd, Bette Midler and Metallica have in common? They've all written horribly depressing tunes, according to Tom Reynolds, author of I Hate Myself and Want to Die. He offers his top 25 miserable tracks.
Not surpirsed this one made the list:
20. All By Myself Celine Dion (1996)
The Canadian superstar's bombastic cover of Eric Carmen's 1970s hit about loneliness is the audio equivalent of the fire-bombing of Dresden. Celine's vocal histrionics surpass the blood-soaked psychic fury which slaughters the prom-goers in the movie Carrie. Had Ms Dion been around during D-Day, the Allies could have dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA system and have her sing All By Myself until the German infantry bayoneted themselves.
Not surpirsed this one made the list:
20. All By Myself Celine Dion (1996)
The Canadian superstar's bombastic cover of Eric Carmen's 1970s hit about loneliness is the audio equivalent of the fire-bombing of Dresden. Celine's vocal histrionics surpass the blood-soaked psychic fury which slaughters the prom-goers in the movie Carrie. Had Ms Dion been around during D-Day, the Allies could have dropped her off at Omaha Beach with a PA system and have her sing All By Myself until the German infantry bayoneted themselves.
I Want To Believe
Every year, more than 70,000 reports of UFO sightings come into UFO research organizations around the world. While it is true that nine out of 10 sightings are explainable, it is also true that only one in 10 is ever reported, and each year the number of reports increases. Is this because there are more sightings? Is it because more people are willing to come forward and report their sightings to researchers? Or could it simply be that, in the past, witnesses did not know where to report sightings? Whatever the case may be, and you could make a case for all three, the fact remains that the number of reports is going up at an incredible rate.
Ten things you should do if you encounter an UFO.
Ten things you should do if you encounter an UFO.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Too Much Time
In 1996, Addi Somekh and Charlie Eckert began traveling to different places in the world to make balloon hats for people and take photos of them.
Everything's Clear?
Look at this professor's lesson plan. A very prepared professor.
Week of 2/9-2/13
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 2/16-2/20
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 2/23-2/27
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 3/2-3/6
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 2/9-2/13
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 2/16-2/20
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 2/23-2/27
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Week of 3/2-3/6
* next lesson
* lecture items
* weekly quiz
Time to Get Political
Editorial political cartoon. Or is it political editorial cartoon? Whatever. Updated everyday.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Too Late
I admit to having gotten a tattoo a couple of years back, and like many, I am now concerned that it might not mean what I hope it means. Am I correct in understanding that you're willing to help translate characters correctly for people in my situation?
Tattooing meaningful words on your body in Chinese characters is hip, but it's a risky business when you don't read or speak Chinese.
Tattooing meaningful words on your body in Chinese characters is hip, but it's a risky business when you don't read or speak Chinese.
Life Lesson
Believe in your release. Be patient. If your capture is known about, attempts will be made for your safe release. Negotiations are usually long, tedious, and frustrating to kidnappers, so you must not antagonise your captors, particularly if a rescue attempt is likely. Remember, deadlines may be particularly dangerous and fraught for all parties. After release, you will be taken to a safe area and debriefed.
Things to check if you're taken hostage.
Things to check if you're taken hostage.
Another Case of a Boy and His Car
Boy: Mom, can I drive?
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure you won't get hospitalized after your four-wheeler you are driving crash into a horse.
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure you won't get hospitalized after your four-wheeler you are driving crash into a horse.
What's Inside
I decided to take a select few of these popular characters and render their skeletal systems as I imagine they might resemble if one truly had eye sockets half the size of its head, or fingerless-hands, or feet comprising 60% of its body mass.
Seen Good Paintings Recently?
People actually prefer to buy the painting made by Congo the Chimp, a chimpanzee, than paintings by Andy Warhol and Renoir.
Clothes of the Day
My wish to become a Superhero, Ninja-like crimefighter will come true in 2025.
According to the 24th Army Science Conference, future warriors may be wearing high-tech uniforms that field liquid armor, 360-degree situational awareness technology, plus virtual reality screens that enable them to navigate an environment by projecting maps on the ground.
According to the 24th Army Science Conference, future warriors may be wearing high-tech uniforms that field liquid armor, 360-degree situational awareness technology, plus virtual reality screens that enable them to navigate an environment by projecting maps on the ground.
Heard Good Music Lately?
Radiohead's "OK Computer", the top album of the past 20 years, a futuristic sound that manages to feel alive "even when its words are spoken by a robot."
Monday, June 20, 2005
Life Lesson
Never tell your kids to draw rainbow. Reason?
Parents of toddlers attending a Geneva, NY nursery school responded in outrage after their children were instructed to draw and color a known symbol of the homosexual agenda: the rainbow.
Parents of toddlers attending a Geneva, NY nursery school responded in outrage after their children were instructed to draw and color a known symbol of the homosexual agenda: the rainbow.
Finish Your Food!
The Museum of Food Anomalies™
Welcome to the first exhibition of the Museum's collection. We've selected a handful of defining works from the archives to supply a proper introduction to the Art of Food Anomalies without overwhelming one's senses.
Welcome to the first exhibition of the Museum's collection. We've selected a handful of defining works from the archives to supply a proper introduction to the Art of Food Anomalies without overwhelming one's senses.
Heard Good Music Lately?
The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain
The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain are warm, entertaining, thought-provoking and funny. You may never think about music in the same way once you've been exposed to the Ukes' depraved musicology. From Charlie Parker to the Sex Pistols through Johann Sebastian Bach, the Orchestra take you on a world tour with only hand luggage....
"Iconoclastic. Unabashed genre crashing antics. Nothing is spoof proof" Toronto Star
"Subversive, rare and very precious. Catch them before the Government slaps an injunction on them in the name of anti-terrorism. Frighteningly talented and awesome: classics of the genre" Time Out
"Most people have to die before they become immortal. The ukulele superstars have no such worries." New Musical Express
"They are anarcho-syndicalists of the ukulele world" The Independent
The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain are warm, entertaining, thought-provoking and funny. You may never think about music in the same way once you've been exposed to the Ukes' depraved musicology. From Charlie Parker to the Sex Pistols through Johann Sebastian Bach, the Orchestra take you on a world tour with only hand luggage....
"Iconoclastic. Unabashed genre crashing antics. Nothing is spoof proof" Toronto Star
"Subversive, rare and very precious. Catch them before the Government slaps an injunction on them in the name of anti-terrorism. Frighteningly talented and awesome: classics of the genre" Time Out
"Most people have to die before they become immortal. The ukulele superstars have no such worries." New Musical Express
"They are anarcho-syndicalists of the ukulele world" The Independent
I'm Poor
For travellers who are REALLY on a budget and are looking for a way to skim a few bucks off their travel expenses, why not consider sleeping in an airport? Many airports are actually better than local lodging. And to top it off - IT'S FREE!
A Man and His Hobby
Man: Grandma, can I use your garden?
Frandma: Sure, honey. Just make sure you don't grow marijuana there.
Frandma: Sure, honey. Just make sure you don't grow marijuana there.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Reminiscence
A list of my 25 favorite Sesame Street moments
# 15. My favorite of the celebrity Muppet parodies was the Beetles, the suit-wearing insect band that sang the hit song "Letter B." This was the first parody that I figured out was a parody, because I saw the Yellow Submarine cartoon around the same time. Though it did take me a minute or two to figure out who was making fun of who. I still don't know the actual lyrics to "Let It Be," but I can belt out at least a verse & a chorus of this one.
When I find I can't remember what comes after A & before C
My mother always whispers, "Letter B."
# 24. Most of the time, the food mishaps were Charlie's fault, & Grover would have to deal with the customer complaints. But in my favorite restaurant sketch, he's trying to remember Fat Blue's order without the aid of a notepad. Have you been out to eat lately? That's the new "Give me a good tip plz" technique. The server has this sheepish grin as he waits for you to ask him "Are you going to remember all this?" Then he lets out that overconfident half-sigh/half-grunt, blows on his knuckles like one would blow on an apple, points to his temple & says "Ut, I got it all up here." You want to impress me, hot shot? Learn how to cook hibachi.
At least Grover's cute about it. He's come up with a little rhyme to help him remember not only the order ("Round & tasty on a bun, pickles, french fries, yum yum yum"), but also the table ("In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes & big blue head"). He does a great job remembering it, & he comes back with a grapefruit on a bun.
# 15. My favorite of the celebrity Muppet parodies was the Beetles, the suit-wearing insect band that sang the hit song "Letter B." This was the first parody that I figured out was a parody, because I saw the Yellow Submarine cartoon around the same time. Though it did take me a minute or two to figure out who was making fun of who. I still don't know the actual lyrics to "Let It Be," but I can belt out at least a verse & a chorus of this one.
When I find I can't remember what comes after A & before C
My mother always whispers, "Letter B."
# 24. Most of the time, the food mishaps were Charlie's fault, & Grover would have to deal with the customer complaints. But in my favorite restaurant sketch, he's trying to remember Fat Blue's order without the aid of a notepad. Have you been out to eat lately? That's the new "Give me a good tip plz" technique. The server has this sheepish grin as he waits for you to ask him "Are you going to remember all this?" Then he lets out that overconfident half-sigh/half-grunt, blows on his knuckles like one would blow on an apple, points to his temple & says "Ut, I got it all up here." You want to impress me, hot shot? Learn how to cook hibachi.
At least Grover's cute about it. He's come up with a little rhyme to help him remember not only the order ("Round & tasty on a bun, pickles, french fries, yum yum yum"), but also the table ("In a hurry to be fed, beady eyes & big blue head"). He does a great job remembering it, & he comes back with a grapefruit on a bun.
Too Much Time
When you're bored at the office...
Make a bow and an arrow out of office supplies!
"Not only does it work as a bow, but you can still write with it too! Perfect for exams and such."
Make a bow and an arrow out of office supplies!
"Not only does it work as a bow, but you can still write with it too! Perfect for exams and such."
Heard Good Music Lately?
On the day I was born the number one song on the chart was... this is real...
"Don’t Give Up On Us Baby" - David Soul
Find out yours here.
"Don’t Give Up On Us Baby" - David Soul
Find out yours here.
Personality Test
What Bathroom Personality Are You?
1. King of the Throne - This gentleman takes his time in the bathroom, often prolonging the experience by incorporating reading materials or crossword puzzles. His family members know that his time in the bathroom is valuable to him, and that he must remain undisturbed.
The other pesonalities are here.
1. King of the Throne - This gentleman takes his time in the bathroom, often prolonging the experience by incorporating reading materials or crossword puzzles. His family members know that his time in the bathroom is valuable to him, and that he must remain undisturbed.
The other pesonalities are here.
Quicky
Stop wasting time folding shirts the normal way!
How to Fold a Shirt shows you the latest techniques and tricks to fold t-shirts, sweaters, dress shirts and more; the RIGHT way!
How to Fold a Shirt shows you the latest techniques and tricks to fold t-shirts, sweaters, dress shirts and more; the RIGHT way!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Dogs Want to Talk, Too
So you wish your dog had a cellular phone?
Worry no more!
The PetsCell™ will allow pet owners to talk to their pets as well as allowing owners to request assistance should they become incapacitated and require help.
P.S. Company' slogan: "Connecting every member of your family - even your pet"
Worry no more!
The PetsCell™ will allow pet owners to talk to their pets as well as allowing owners to request assistance should they become incapacitated and require help.
P.S. Company' slogan: "Connecting every member of your family - even your pet"
Time to Get Political
Beware brainwashed fools, for this stunning expose will change the way you look at your favorite Nintendo hero forever. No longer the innocent Brooklyn plumbers, it now appears Mario and Luigi are nothing more than communist puppets engineered to program, oh so subtly, Marxist ideals into our impressionable minds!
Super Mario Brothers, Hit 80's Video Game or Subtle Communist Propaganda Campaign?
Super Mario Brothers, Hit 80's Video Game or Subtle Communist Propaganda Campaign?
Fly With Us
Things to check before you're flying:
1. Your tickets are with you
2. Your bags are with you
3. You're not sitting next to the toilet
1. Your tickets are with you
2. Your bags are with you
3. You're not sitting next to the toilet
Too Much Time
54 Xenon
o noble gas -
what thou dost
with 6 Flourines!?
8 Oxygen
Green plants' waste;
Earth's invisible treasure:
now breathe.
1 Hydrogen
two-thirds of water
a big part of all of us
and the bones of stars
Who says science and art will never mix?
They present you The Periodic Table of Haiku!
o noble gas -
what thou dost
with 6 Flourines!?
8 Oxygen
Green plants' waste;
Earth's invisible treasure:
now breathe.
1 Hydrogen
two-thirds of water
a big part of all of us
and the bones of stars
Who says science and art will never mix?
They present you The Periodic Table of Haiku!
Reminiscence
Sadly, no McGyver. No Airwolf. No Greatest American Hero. But it has Spongebob Squarepants. The 100 Greatest TV Themes.
FInish Your Food!
He's so hungry he can eat a sandwich. His own made sandwich. An extra large sandwich. And i mean EXTRA.
Another Case of a Boy and His Car
Boy: Mom, can I drive?
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure you don't get drunk in the middle of the night, and do trash can-smashing joyride before wrecking the vehicle and landing in the hospital with some broken bones.
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure you don't get drunk in the middle of the night, and do trash can-smashing joyride before wrecking the vehicle and landing in the hospital with some broken bones.
Batmaaaaaaan!
nininunununununununininunununu... batmaaaaaan! nininunununununununininunununu... batmaaaaan! a history of nininunununununununininunununu... batmaaaaaan!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Bond, James Bond
A collection of James Bond's vehicles - which only appeared in only ten minutes of the film and got blown up by some Russian/terrosrist guy.
Remove Your Cats
Don't you just love kittens? They're so cute and adorable. And they can spark your house in a fire.
Start Your Day
Nothing beats starting your day by knowing you're going to have a lot of changes in your life. And none of them works pretty.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Now and Then, You're Still Ugly
When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a Valentine,birthday greetings,
bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three,would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?
Hmm------mmm---mmmh.
You'll be older, too.Aaah, and if you say the word, I could stay
with you.
I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for
a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty
four?
Will you still be sending me a Valentine,birthday greetings,
bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three,would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four?
Hmm------mmm---mmmh.
You'll be older, too.Aaah, and if you say the word, I could stay
with you.
I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for
a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty
four?
Fly With Us
Things to check before you're flying (not in the order of importance):
1. Your tickets are with you
2. Your bags are with you
3. The pilots aren't drunk
1. Your tickets are with you
2. Your bags are with you
3. The pilots aren't drunk
Read Good Books Lately?
If you know som_thing sp_cial about this s_nt_nc_ thrn you ar_ a c_rtifi_d g_nius. Okay, that is a s_nt_nc_ writt_n without th_ l_tt_r "_". So is this story by a guy who has too much tim_ in his hands. .
Heard Good Music Lately?
Don't like classical music? Try,to liket it because there are beauties in everything, you know.
While I, for one, stick to to hearing this.
While I, for one, stick to to hearing this.
A Boy and His Car
Boy: Mom, can I drive?
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure don't drive the family's minivan to your elementary school and crash the vehicle near a group of children.
Mom: Sure, honey. Just make sure don't drive the family's minivan to your elementary school and crash the vehicle near a group of children.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I Make Music You Make Me Sick
Bow doo zk zk zk... rappin' all the way. This is the creative process behind all rap songs
Moodkiller #2
GETTING EVEN WITH YOUR COMPUTER
by: -RoG-
I've been working on computers in one way or another for many years now,
and the one thing that has never changed no matter how advanced they get
is: THEY STILL LOCK UP. Now I try TO be a responsible guy when I'm
working on my computer. I try to save my work on a regular basis "just in
case" something goes wrong.
But every now and then I forget, and that is the time that my computer
ALWAYS decides to lock up on me. It's like they put monitoring systems
inside a computer that track when the last time you saved your work
was... and if you haven't saved your work in an hour it plays a joke on
you by locking up on you or crashing.
(computer thinking to itself) "Hmm, he's been working on that design for
2 hours straight and he's so involved with it that he's forgotten to save
it! Well, it's time to ruin this chump's day! Muahahahahahahahahah!"
So what do you do when this happens? Well, if you're like me, the first
thing you do is blurt out a huge array of obscenities and hope none of
the clients that happened to be in the office where you work heard you.
(or if I'm at home, I hope the poor old lady that lives next to me who
probably thinks I'm the antichrist didn't hear it). But what comes next
is the most pathetic thing in the world, and any of you who work on
computers on a regular basis know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
The person who just had their computer send them a virtual
cyberific "message" will stop their yelling and just sit there. They'll
sit there for a few minutes staring at the screen, sometimes hitting a
few keys here 'n there, trying ANYTHING they can to avoid having to shut
down their system and reboot. The last thing this person wants to do is
lose all of their work, but it's futile. His or her co-workers look
onward trying to give this poor soul some support, but inside they know
this person is screwed. Eventually you see this poor bastard let out a
big sigh as they hit the off switch. Then they'll get up and walk away
for a little bit, they look like they're leaving a funeral. Later on,
after punching some inanimate object in another room to let out some of
their frustration, they'll come back to their computer that has been
restarted and begin the process all over again. It's really a sad thing
to witness.
One of my personal favorite computer screw-ups is when all of a sudden a
program just exits itself instantly. No warning, no "system error"
or "the program is not responding", it just disappears. Where the hell
did it go!? Do these programs go on some kind of a coffee break or
something? Do computers have holiday vacations or something that I don't
know of? It doesn't make sense at all, and for the kind of money these
things cost, this shouldn't even be an issue.
So I have to assume that computers do have a consciousness and, although
they can make a lot of things in life easier, they have a sadistic side.
They love torturing the hell out of us stupid humans.
If you think about it, the only way to deal with computers screwing up
like this is if you treat them as if they were real people. That's right,
and eye for an eye! If your computer tries to screw you, well then you
screw it right back, ten fold! Here's some ideas:
Should a program crash on you, rename the program file to something
really insulting. For example, if Internet Explorer crashed on you, go
into the directory where the executable file is and rename it from its
current name "IEXPLORE.EXE" to "PATHETIC-LITTLE-WHORE.EXE". This will
make the program feel bad, as if it's a completely worthless failure. And
all of the other programs will point and laugh at it. This also will get
the word out to the other programs that if they mess up, this is their
fate as well.
If your computer locks up on you on a regular basis, buy a new computer
and put it right next to it. Then only use that new computer, but leave
the old one turned on at all times. That way it can see that you've moved
on in your life and are getting along just fine without it. This will
really hurt the feelings of your old computer and make it feel like
you "traded it in for a newer model".
If your computer has video problems, such as a flickering monitor, bad
contrast, or whatever; you can get even right away. Go into your color
settings for the computer and give it the most atrocious color
combinations you can come up with. I mean HORRIBLE color combinations
like light pink, neon green, and purple. It will soon develop a huge
inferiority complex because when compared to all the other computers,
this one will look like quite the "sissy computer". In fact, if there are
other computers near it, when you leave the area, chances are they'll
beat up this "sissy computer".
Hang-up a poster of a really old piece of shit computer next to your
current computer. If you want, you could even hang up a picture of the
original computer: The Abacus! Then whenever your computer messes up,
turn and look to that poster and say out loud "Man, I remember when they
made quality computers like that... the good old days". You really can't
give a computer a worse insult than saying an abacus performs better! If
a computer could cry, this would make it do so.
Ah yes, when computers were dependable.
Well, you get the general idea. I'm sure you can come up with all sorts
of other creative ways to torture your computer. It's all about mind
games... psychological warfare baby! Are you going to let your computer
get the best of you? I didn't think so! So the next time your computer
decides to play a little joke on you and make you lose all your work, you
be sure to do something evil right back at it. Maybe then it'll show a
little respect for you and start working the way it's supposed to.
If not, just buy a ton of cheap computers from a flea market and set them
on fire and video tape it. It will hardly cost you anything, but you can
play this footage back for your cheap-assed computer to see. Then simply
tell it "KEEP IT UP AND THIS WILL BE YOU."
I guarantee your computer will work perfectly from that point on.
note: -RoG- obviously needs therapy. He doesn't just treat computers like
this, he treats all appliances in the same way. The other day he chained
a broken toaster oven to the back of his car and dragged it down the
highway while screaming "how do ya like that you little bastard!" to
teach it a lesson.
by: -RoG-
I've been working on computers in one way or another for many years now,
and the one thing that has never changed no matter how advanced they get
is: THEY STILL LOCK UP. Now I try TO be a responsible guy when I'm
working on my computer. I try to save my work on a regular basis "just in
case" something goes wrong.
But every now and then I forget, and that is the time that my computer
ALWAYS decides to lock up on me. It's like they put monitoring systems
inside a computer that track when the last time you saved your work
was... and if you haven't saved your work in an hour it plays a joke on
you by locking up on you or crashing.
(computer thinking to itself) "Hmm, he's been working on that design for
2 hours straight and he's so involved with it that he's forgotten to save
it! Well, it's time to ruin this chump's day! Muahahahahahahahahah!"
So what do you do when this happens? Well, if you're like me, the first
thing you do is blurt out a huge array of obscenities and hope none of
the clients that happened to be in the office where you work heard you.
(or if I'm at home, I hope the poor old lady that lives next to me who
probably thinks I'm the antichrist didn't hear it). But what comes next
is the most pathetic thing in the world, and any of you who work on
computers on a regular basis know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
The person who just had their computer send them a virtual
cyberific "message" will stop their yelling and just sit there. They'll
sit there for a few minutes staring at the screen, sometimes hitting a
few keys here 'n there, trying ANYTHING they can to avoid having to shut
down their system and reboot. The last thing this person wants to do is
lose all of their work, but it's futile. His or her co-workers look
onward trying to give this poor soul some support, but inside they know
this person is screwed. Eventually you see this poor bastard let out a
big sigh as they hit the off switch. Then they'll get up and walk away
for a little bit, they look like they're leaving a funeral. Later on,
after punching some inanimate object in another room to let out some of
their frustration, they'll come back to their computer that has been
restarted and begin the process all over again. It's really a sad thing
to witness.
One of my personal favorite computer screw-ups is when all of a sudden a
program just exits itself instantly. No warning, no "system error"
or "the program is not responding", it just disappears. Where the hell
did it go!? Do these programs go on some kind of a coffee break or
something? Do computers have holiday vacations or something that I don't
know of? It doesn't make sense at all, and for the kind of money these
things cost, this shouldn't even be an issue.
So I have to assume that computers do have a consciousness and, although
they can make a lot of things in life easier, they have a sadistic side.
They love torturing the hell out of us stupid humans.
If you think about it, the only way to deal with computers screwing up
like this is if you treat them as if they were real people. That's right,
and eye for an eye! If your computer tries to screw you, well then you
screw it right back, ten fold! Here's some ideas:
Should a program crash on you, rename the program file to something
really insulting. For example, if Internet Explorer crashed on you, go
into the directory where the executable file is and rename it from its
current name "IEXPLORE.EXE" to "PATHETIC-LITTLE-WHORE.EXE". This will
make the program feel bad, as if it's a completely worthless failure. And
all of the other programs will point and laugh at it. This also will get
the word out to the other programs that if they mess up, this is their
fate as well.
If your computer locks up on you on a regular basis, buy a new computer
and put it right next to it. Then only use that new computer, but leave
the old one turned on at all times. That way it can see that you've moved
on in your life and are getting along just fine without it. This will
really hurt the feelings of your old computer and make it feel like
you "traded it in for a newer model".
If your computer has video problems, such as a flickering monitor, bad
contrast, or whatever; you can get even right away. Go into your color
settings for the computer and give it the most atrocious color
combinations you can come up with. I mean HORRIBLE color combinations
like light pink, neon green, and purple. It will soon develop a huge
inferiority complex because when compared to all the other computers,
this one will look like quite the "sissy computer". In fact, if there are
other computers near it, when you leave the area, chances are they'll
beat up this "sissy computer".
Hang-up a poster of a really old piece of shit computer next to your
current computer. If you want, you could even hang up a picture of the
original computer: The Abacus! Then whenever your computer messes up,
turn and look to that poster and say out loud "Man, I remember when they
made quality computers like that... the good old days". You really can't
give a computer a worse insult than saying an abacus performs better! If
a computer could cry, this would make it do so.
Ah yes, when computers were dependable.
Well, you get the general idea. I'm sure you can come up with all sorts
of other creative ways to torture your computer. It's all about mind
games... psychological warfare baby! Are you going to let your computer
get the best of you? I didn't think so! So the next time your computer
decides to play a little joke on you and make you lose all your work, you
be sure to do something evil right back at it. Maybe then it'll show a
little respect for you and start working the way it's supposed to.
If not, just buy a ton of cheap computers from a flea market and set them
on fire and video tape it. It will hardly cost you anything, but you can
play this footage back for your cheap-assed computer to see. Then simply
tell it "KEEP IT UP AND THIS WILL BE YOU."
I guarantee your computer will work perfectly from that point on.
note: -RoG- obviously needs therapy. He doesn't just treat computers like
this, he treats all appliances in the same way. The other day he chained
a broken toaster oven to the back of his car and dragged it down the
highway while screaming "how do ya like that you little bastard!" to
teach it a lesson.
You Just Can't Wait That Long
We all know that the Earth will die in the future. In the long future. Very long. Now, if you are a type of a hasty person and can't wait that long, they give you Top 10 Ways to Destroy the Earth.
Guides to be a Better Person
Guides to be a better person
by Lore Sjöberg
I've been a bad person. This I know.
I've done things and said things that good people don't do and say. When
I poured super glue on Mrs. Pepper's cat and stuck it to the bottom of
Mom's muffler, that was naughty. When I ran naked through the park
yelling "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear" at all the little kids, that was bad.
When I told the always excitable Mr. Henchcliff that his wife was having
an affair with little Davey Protum, I knew a bloodbath would ensue, but I
just thought it was funny. I'm not nice, and I know it.
But from now on, all that's gonna change.
So let me now publicly announce for all the world to see, just how I'm
going to go about being a better person in the future.
1. I will not send live animals across the country though the mail.
2. I will no longer use passing bicyclists for target practice.
3. I will wear clothing at all times.
4. I will not find excuses to pit loving neighbors violently against each
other.
5. I will let sleeping dogs lie.
6. I will not randomly set things on fire.
7. I will say "please" and "thank you" more often.
8. I will accept that decapitation is not a suitable way to end an
argument.
9. I will not ridicule short people.
10. I will flush the toilet after every use.
11. I will no longer use the royal "We."
12. I will try to hide my obvious superiority from others.
13. I will tip.
It is my hope that these items listed here will help me grow to be a
better person. And then maybe Sally Writworth will go with me to the
dance. That would be cool.
by Lore Sjöberg
I've been a bad person. This I know.
I've done things and said things that good people don't do and say. When
I poured super glue on Mrs. Pepper's cat and stuck it to the bottom of
Mom's muffler, that was naughty. When I ran naked through the park
yelling "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear" at all the little kids, that was bad.
When I told the always excitable Mr. Henchcliff that his wife was having
an affair with little Davey Protum, I knew a bloodbath would ensue, but I
just thought it was funny. I'm not nice, and I know it.
But from now on, all that's gonna change.
So let me now publicly announce for all the world to see, just how I'm
going to go about being a better person in the future.
1. I will not send live animals across the country though the mail.
2. I will no longer use passing bicyclists for target practice.
3. I will wear clothing at all times.
4. I will not find excuses to pit loving neighbors violently against each
other.
5. I will let sleeping dogs lie.
6. I will not randomly set things on fire.
7. I will say "please" and "thank you" more often.
8. I will accept that decapitation is not a suitable way to end an
argument.
9. I will not ridicule short people.
10. I will flush the toilet after every use.
11. I will no longer use the royal "We."
12. I will try to hide my obvious superiority from others.
13. I will tip.
It is my hope that these items listed here will help me grow to be a
better person. And then maybe Sally Writworth will go with me to the
dance. That would be cool.
Start Your Day
Nothing beats starting your day by looking at a picture that will encourage discourage your activities for the rest of the day.
Worst Films
You think Jean Claude Van Damme's films are the worst? Well, they are! But here are others that join the club. The 50 worst films of the decade.
Finish Your Food!
Lunch is that meal in the middle of the day. Eaten and enjoyed by both rich and poor, young and old, lunch is somthing we all have in common. It's a time when we all take off from work and school to come together in a tasty gathering. Leftover Lunch is all about what happens to our lunch, after lunch. We here at Leftover Lunch and LLabs are dedicated to studing this meal we all love so very much and keeping you up to date on the very latest developments!
Been to a Concert Recently?
Rock show sabotage!
32 surefire ways to ruin a
show for the suckers who actually paid to get in.
Entirely conceived (and partially attempted) by Henry Owings & Brian
Teasley
1. De-tune heads while band is eating dinner.
2. Hit power breaker during band’s set. [Classic]
3. Cover back of guitar neck with Vaseline.
4. Throw (lit or unlit) fireworks on stage.
5. Fake a fight with a friend during a ballad.
6. Open jar of deer hunting urine musk on stage seconds before
the band performs (note: also yell “Looks like the rut is starting early
this year” during set).
7. Bee’s nest inside kick drum microphone hole.
8. Pay ten girls to chant “Rapist!” at the lead singer.
9. Be in the opening band and play the headlining band’s set
before them.
10. Get a job as the house sound guy and put flange on everything.
After the band’s set, tell them you used to be Tears for Fears touring
sound guy.
11. Bring a megaphone and repeat all the band’s in between song
chatter.
12. Convince local Nazi organizations that the band features former
members of Skrewdriver.
13. Two words: Pepper Spray.
14. Hide an amp near the stage and play along in the bathroom via a
wireless unit.
15. Spike band’s water with LSD or Ecstasy.
16. Glue all the picks to the stage floor.
17. Throw $10,000 of fake money into the crowd seconds before the
band’s encore.
18. Set fire to a bag of leaves (or hair) and throw it on the
soundboard.
19. Get a photo pass for the show, and bring an 1890’s era (read:
pull the hood over your head to take the picture) camera which must be
set on stage in order for it to work.
20. Call all local radio stations and tell them the show is
cancelled. (extra points for rescheduling show for the next week at the
local humane shelter and/or rival club)
21. Hire a professional wrestler to challenge the singer to a match.
22. Help band load in early, telling the band you’re part of the
club staff. Then fifteen minutes into their set, give them the “pointing-
at-your-watch-pissed-off” face, mouthing that they have one more song
left.
23. Get all of your friend’s to help throw 5,000 teabags at the
drummer throughout the entire show. (Bonus: try to hit his water cup and
make actual tea!)
24. Make fictitious pornographic video tape boxes featuring the
band’s logo and their faces on the actors/actresses. When the merch guy
is gone for even a second, stuff the video tapes in the t-shirt box.
Immediately call the cops and inform them that the band is distributing
pornographic material to minors. Stand back and watch the drama unfold.
25. Lock band in dressing room as the crowd chants for an encore.
[Classic]
26. Hook a CD player in the soundboard and play studio versions of
the band’s songs over the PA while they perform the exact same songs live.
27. Bring your dog to the show where the guitarist jumps into the
crowd (e.g. The Mooney Suzuki) and claim he kicked your dog. Cause as
much of a ruckus as you can.
28. Put cooking grease on the stage prior to performance.
29. Pull fire alarm during band’s set. [Classic]
30. Tell the soundman you’re there from a dot com fanzine to record
the show, and run an auxiliary out of the vocals to a harmonizer allowing
you to detune anything in any fashion you see fit.
31. Have a banner rigged at the back of the stage that you can
control to have pulled down and at height of performance, trigger the
release of the “We Suck Dick For Crack” banner.
32. Pay the local pregnant crack whore to claim the bass player got
her pregnant for “His Mama’s Baby.”
32 surefire ways to ruin a
show for the suckers who actually paid to get in.
Entirely conceived (and partially attempted) by Henry Owings & Brian
Teasley
1. De-tune heads while band is eating dinner.
2. Hit power breaker during band’s set. [Classic]
3. Cover back of guitar neck with Vaseline.
4. Throw (lit or unlit) fireworks on stage.
5. Fake a fight with a friend during a ballad.
6. Open jar of deer hunting urine musk on stage seconds before
the band performs (note: also yell “Looks like the rut is starting early
this year” during set).
7. Bee’s nest inside kick drum microphone hole.
8. Pay ten girls to chant “Rapist!” at the lead singer.
9. Be in the opening band and play the headlining band’s set
before them.
10. Get a job as the house sound guy and put flange on everything.
After the band’s set, tell them you used to be Tears for Fears touring
sound guy.
11. Bring a megaphone and repeat all the band’s in between song
chatter.
12. Convince local Nazi organizations that the band features former
members of Skrewdriver.
13. Two words: Pepper Spray.
14. Hide an amp near the stage and play along in the bathroom via a
wireless unit.
15. Spike band’s water with LSD or Ecstasy.
16. Glue all the picks to the stage floor.
17. Throw $10,000 of fake money into the crowd seconds before the
band’s encore.
18. Set fire to a bag of leaves (or hair) and throw it on the
soundboard.
19. Get a photo pass for the show, and bring an 1890’s era (read:
pull the hood over your head to take the picture) camera which must be
set on stage in order for it to work.
20. Call all local radio stations and tell them the show is
cancelled. (extra points for rescheduling show for the next week at the
local humane shelter and/or rival club)
21. Hire a professional wrestler to challenge the singer to a match.
22. Help band load in early, telling the band you’re part of the
club staff. Then fifteen minutes into their set, give them the “pointing-
at-your-watch-pissed-off” face, mouthing that they have one more song
left.
23. Get all of your friend’s to help throw 5,000 teabags at the
drummer throughout the entire show. (Bonus: try to hit his water cup and
make actual tea!)
24. Make fictitious pornographic video tape boxes featuring the
band’s logo and their faces on the actors/actresses. When the merch guy
is gone for even a second, stuff the video tapes in the t-shirt box.
Immediately call the cops and inform them that the band is distributing
pornographic material to minors. Stand back and watch the drama unfold.
25. Lock band in dressing room as the crowd chants for an encore.
[Classic]
26. Hook a CD player in the soundboard and play studio versions of
the band’s songs over the PA while they perform the exact same songs live.
27. Bring your dog to the show where the guitarist jumps into the
crowd (e.g. The Mooney Suzuki) and claim he kicked your dog. Cause as
much of a ruckus as you can.
28. Put cooking grease on the stage prior to performance.
29. Pull fire alarm during band’s set. [Classic]
30. Tell the soundman you’re there from a dot com fanzine to record
the show, and run an auxiliary out of the vocals to a harmonizer allowing
you to detune anything in any fashion you see fit.
31. Have a banner rigged at the back of the stage that you can
control to have pulled down and at height of performance, trigger the
release of the “We Suck Dick For Crack” banner.
32. Pay the local pregnant crack whore to claim the bass player got
her pregnant for “His Mama’s Baby.”
Laughing Means You're Depressed
Bwa ha ha ha ha! He he he! Huahuahuahua! :) Hihihihi! if you laugh a lot it means you have a mental depression.
Top 500 albums
In case you've been living in a cave since the release of the list, here are the Rolling Stones top 500 albums of all time!
Picture of the Day
Cute, you think? NOT!THis is child slavery.
And yes, child slavery begins at home.
And yes, child slavery begins at home.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Still about Stupidity
While we're at it, find out that you should have got more than 5 Ds in college. Take the test.
This is the Official Moron Test. It's based upon typical graduation
requirements at Harvard. Try to finish within 5 minutes. When you are
done, count the number correct and see how you compare to others.
OK, here we go...
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you
get?
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left
with?
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an
hour. How long will the pills last?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
10. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
11. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12. What was the President's name in 1960?
NO CHEATING ***
So how do you think you did? (Scroll down for answers.)
TEST ANSWERS:
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
One (1). You can only be born once.
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.
5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
No. He must be dead if it is his widow.
6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you
left with?
Two (2). You take two apples ... therefore YOU have TWO apples.
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an
hour. How long will the pills last?
One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30,
and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has
passed.
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.
10. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
Meat ... that is self-explanatory.
11. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE ... it's a dozen.
12. What was the President's name in 1960?
George W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.
So, how did you do?
13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.
10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.
7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?
4-6 correct........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!
1-3 correct.........IDIOT...what else can be said?
0 correct............CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON
This is the Official Moron Test. It's based upon typical graduation
requirements at Harvard. Try to finish within 5 minutes. When you are
done, count the number correct and see how you compare to others.
OK, here we go...
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or no?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you
get?
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you left
with?
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an
hour. How long will the pills last?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
10. A butcher in the market is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
11. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12. What was the President's name in 1960?
NO CHEATING ***
So how do you think you did? (Scroll down for answers.)
TEST ANSWERS:
1. Is there a 4th of July in England? Yes or No?
Yes. It comes right after the 3rd.
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
One (1). You can only be born once.
3. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
Twelve (12). All of them have at least 28 days.
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
Six (6). Don't forget there is a top and bottom to every inning.
5. Can a man in California marry his widow's sister?
No. He must be dead if it is his widow.
6. Take the number 30, divide it by 1/2, and then add 10. What do you get?
Seventy (70). Thirty (30) divided by 1/2 is 60.
7. There are 3 apples and you take two away. How many apples are you
left with?
Two (2). You take two apples ... therefore YOU have TWO apples.
8. A doctor gives you three pills and tells you to take one every half an
hour. How long will the pills last?
One hour. If you take the first pill at 1:00, the second at 1:30,
and the third at 2:00, the pills have run out and only one hour has
passed.
9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 of them die. How many sheep are left?
Nine (9). Like I said, all BUT nine die.
10. A butcher in the market is 5' 10 tall. What does he weigh?
Meat ... that is self-explanatory.
11. How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
Twelve (12). How many eggs are in a dozen? TWELVE ... it's a dozen.
12. What was the President's name in 1960?
George W. Bush. As far as I know, he hasn't changed his name.
So, how did you do?
13 correct.........GENIUS...you are good.
10-12 correct....ABOVE AVERAGE...but don't let it go to your head.
7-9 correct........AVERAGE...but who wants to be average?
4-6 correct........SLOW...pay attention to the questions!
1-3 correct.........IDIOT...what else can be said?
0 correct............CONGRATULATIONS, you are a certified MORON
Picture of the Day
Master John, Master Paul, Master George (in his invisible form), and Master Ringo are explaining how a lightsaber works to Darth Lord Ed Sith.
by jomofo
by jomofo
The Comedian
And It Came To Pass...
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walks up to a stone pulpit
and says…
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did
take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a
comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham,
her husband. “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town with they goods
when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short
of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will
reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on
the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums, as long as he could have his way with her.
And Dot said, “There will be a lot of banging in the land.”
And Abraham replied, “It is my most fervent wish that this be so.”
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving
from his tent. But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did
secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly
to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were
going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up
every drum company in the land. And, indeed, he did insist on making
drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over
by other.”
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be
know, “eBay” he said, “We need a name of a service that reflects what we
are.”
And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“Whoopee” said Abraham. “No, YAHOO” said Dot Com.
An old, bearded shepherd with a crooked staff walks up to a stone pulpit
and says…
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did
take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a
comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham,
her husband. “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town with they goods
when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short
of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will
reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on
the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums, as long as he could have his way with her.
And Dot said, “There will be a lot of banging in the land.”
And Abraham replied, “It is my most fervent wish that this be so.”
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving
from his tent. But his success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did
secrete himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading.
And the young did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly
to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were
going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up
every drum company in the land. And, indeed, he did insist on making
drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates’ drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over
by other.”
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be
know, “eBay” he said, “We need a name of a service that reflects what we
are.”
And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“Whoopee” said Abraham. “No, YAHOO” said Dot Com.
Moodkiller #1
ACQUAINTANCES OR ANNOYANCES
by: -RoG-
"Hey! How's it going?", "Hi there!", "Hello"...do these things sound
familiar? Of course they do! Whenever you hear these words spoken, or
speak them yourself, chances are you've run in with an acquaintance.
Acquaintances are basically the people whom you met for a split second at
one point in your life and you say something like "hello" every time you
see them from that point onward. Sure, it's a kind gesture which contains
all of that "common courtesy" crapola and blah blah blah. I say it's
pointless. Chances are this person who is greeting you is someone who
accidentally dropped a gallon of milk on your foot in 7-11, and that's
how you came to meet them. Inside you really have much animosity towards
this person, but instead you always find yourself replying to their
stupid greeting with, "Oh I'm fine! How are you?" The real bad thing
about all of this is that it's normally when you are walking by them.
It's basically a 5 second conversation.
So why is it important to say hi to everyone? If the person is your
friend that you hangout with on a regular basis, then you have a valid
reason to acknowledge their existence every now and then. Otherwise, I
see no real reason to say anything. There's always that person who keeps
count of all the people he can say hello to. It makes him happy to think
that he has so many "friends". This is just that person's way of
reassuring himself that he actually knows people. But I bet deep down
inside it pisses him off to think that he never really hangout with all
of those people he says "hey" to. If everybody I've said hi to during my
life was an actual friend, I could probably have a good chance at running
for president. I don't find these people important in my life in any way,
shape or form. You probably have that one friend who everyone seems to
know and they all say hello to him and it makes you jealous to think that
he knows so many people. But think about it...chances are that he hangs
out with 1 or 2 out of the 30 people that greet him. Why? BECAUSE THEY
ARE ALL JUST ACQUAINTANCES.
Acquaintances don't do anything with you really. They just walk by you
and say hello. That is it! End of story! Friends are people whom you
hangout with all the time, eat meals with, complain about everything
with, rob banks with, commit multiple homicides with, and any of the
other few pleasantries in life with. Acquaintances don't do jack with
you. Sure, sometimes they happen to be in the same room because they are
friends with one of your friends, but the two of you really have nothing
to say to each other except "hey, what's up?" "Oh nothing really" "Yeah
same here" "Oh well..." And the blabbering about pointless stuff goes on
and on. Most of the time you can't even remember the person's name, I
know I can't. I know I haven't known the names of AT LEAST 80% of the
people I've ever said "hi" to. I know, I know...you don't want to be mean
and not acknowledge them. Even I say "hello" to the people who
acknowledge me. I'm just stating the fact that I think it's annoying and
that there is really no purpose for acquaintances. They are just people
who pass you by and say a short phrase. So what? Who cares? I think one
of the main causes of noise pollution is the thousands of people walking
in clustered cities saying hello to each other. You can try to justify it
to yourself all you want...when it comes right down to it, acquaintances
have no function. Why do you think some people become hermits? Because,
they got really angry at the fact that all they ever did was say hi to
people and then spend their entire days at home with nothing to do and
nobody to hangout with. (in a hearty voice) "Well I just know a lot
people so that I have allies!" Why? Are you planning on going to war? I
don't think so. And if our country goes to war against some other
country, tons of people who have never even met each other will join
forces to protect America. You don't need allies so shut up.
"But you could hang out with those people that you say hi to if you
really wanted to!" Yeah, I suppose that is true...IF I REALLY WANTED TO.
Why do you think they are saying hi? They are hoping that you won't
follow them and try hanging out. Why? Because they really don't want to
hangout with you either just like you don't really want to hangout with
them. "You're just not nice! I want to say hello to all of those people!"
Yeah, that's an easy one to analyze. I'm willing to bet that the only
reason you WANT to say hello to them is because you know where they work.
They probably work at a food establishment or some other places that
could prove to be beneficial to you. "Hey man! How ya doin?
Say...ummm...you think you could get me some of that food for free?" Yeah
we've all played that game before haven't we? We have our real friends to
give us the benefits of their jobs, but some people can't stop there.
They have to know more and more people that they can leech off of. Then,
once that person has been fired, you never even talk to them ever again
because they can't help you anymore. Yeah, I know exactly why you want to
say hello to all of those people. ADMIT IT! I do, I've done it before,
and I admit it proudly. The way I figure it, is that it is the LEAST they
can do since they annoy me every day by saying "Hey! What's new?" and all
that other lingo.
You might be one of those pain in the neck people who, for some sick
reason, has to HUG everyone you see. I hate those people. "Hi! How have
ya been! Come here and gimme a big hug! I missed you so much! awwww!"
Please. Not only does that normally annoy the hell out of the person
being hugged, but it shows how desperate the hugger is for physical
contact with another human being. If you are one of these people you need
to get help. As much as I hate the idea of drugs being used to treat
psychological problems, I think they should create some kind of treatment
that instantly makes the person puke whenever they get the idea of
hugging someone into their head. You know, just like in the movie
Clockwork Orange where the guy gets really sick whenever a sadistic
thought enters his noggin. Screw it, they should just make a therapy that
kills the person as soon as they get the urge to say "hey there!" to
someone they hardly even know.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again:
ACQUAINTANCES ARE WORTHLESS.
by: -RoG-
"Hey! How's it going?", "Hi there!", "Hello"...do these things sound
familiar? Of course they do! Whenever you hear these words spoken, or
speak them yourself, chances are you've run in with an acquaintance.
Acquaintances are basically the people whom you met for a split second at
one point in your life and you say something like "hello" every time you
see them from that point onward. Sure, it's a kind gesture which contains
all of that "common courtesy" crapola and blah blah blah. I say it's
pointless. Chances are this person who is greeting you is someone who
accidentally dropped a gallon of milk on your foot in 7-11, and that's
how you came to meet them. Inside you really have much animosity towards
this person, but instead you always find yourself replying to their
stupid greeting with, "Oh I'm fine! How are you?" The real bad thing
about all of this is that it's normally when you are walking by them.
It's basically a 5 second conversation.
So why is it important to say hi to everyone? If the person is your
friend that you hangout with on a regular basis, then you have a valid
reason to acknowledge their existence every now and then. Otherwise, I
see no real reason to say anything. There's always that person who keeps
count of all the people he can say hello to. It makes him happy to think
that he has so many "friends". This is just that person's way of
reassuring himself that he actually knows people. But I bet deep down
inside it pisses him off to think that he never really hangout with all
of those people he says "hey" to. If everybody I've said hi to during my
life was an actual friend, I could probably have a good chance at running
for president. I don't find these people important in my life in any way,
shape or form. You probably have that one friend who everyone seems to
know and they all say hello to him and it makes you jealous to think that
he knows so many people. But think about it...chances are that he hangs
out with 1 or 2 out of the 30 people that greet him. Why? BECAUSE THEY
ARE ALL JUST ACQUAINTANCES.
Acquaintances don't do anything with you really. They just walk by you
and say hello. That is it! End of story! Friends are people whom you
hangout with all the time, eat meals with, complain about everything
with, rob banks with, commit multiple homicides with, and any of the
other few pleasantries in life with. Acquaintances don't do jack with
you. Sure, sometimes they happen to be in the same room because they are
friends with one of your friends, but the two of you really have nothing
to say to each other except "hey, what's up?" "Oh nothing really" "Yeah
same here" "Oh well..." And the blabbering about pointless stuff goes on
and on. Most of the time you can't even remember the person's name, I
know I can't. I know I haven't known the names of AT LEAST 80% of the
people I've ever said "hi" to. I know, I know...you don't want to be mean
and not acknowledge them. Even I say "hello" to the people who
acknowledge me. I'm just stating the fact that I think it's annoying and
that there is really no purpose for acquaintances. They are just people
who pass you by and say a short phrase. So what? Who cares? I think one
of the main causes of noise pollution is the thousands of people walking
in clustered cities saying hello to each other. You can try to justify it
to yourself all you want...when it comes right down to it, acquaintances
have no function. Why do you think some people become hermits? Because,
they got really angry at the fact that all they ever did was say hi to
people and then spend their entire days at home with nothing to do and
nobody to hangout with. (in a hearty voice) "Well I just know a lot
people so that I have allies!" Why? Are you planning on going to war? I
don't think so. And if our country goes to war against some other
country, tons of people who have never even met each other will join
forces to protect America. You don't need allies so shut up.
"But you could hang out with those people that you say hi to if you
really wanted to!" Yeah, I suppose that is true...IF I REALLY WANTED TO.
Why do you think they are saying hi? They are hoping that you won't
follow them and try hanging out. Why? Because they really don't want to
hangout with you either just like you don't really want to hangout with
them. "You're just not nice! I want to say hello to all of those people!"
Yeah, that's an easy one to analyze. I'm willing to bet that the only
reason you WANT to say hello to them is because you know where they work.
They probably work at a food establishment or some other places that
could prove to be beneficial to you. "Hey man! How ya doin?
Say...ummm...you think you could get me some of that food for free?" Yeah
we've all played that game before haven't we? We have our real friends to
give us the benefits of their jobs, but some people can't stop there.
They have to know more and more people that they can leech off of. Then,
once that person has been fired, you never even talk to them ever again
because they can't help you anymore. Yeah, I know exactly why you want to
say hello to all of those people. ADMIT IT! I do, I've done it before,
and I admit it proudly. The way I figure it, is that it is the LEAST they
can do since they annoy me every day by saying "Hey! What's new?" and all
that other lingo.
You might be one of those pain in the neck people who, for some sick
reason, has to HUG everyone you see. I hate those people. "Hi! How have
ya been! Come here and gimme a big hug! I missed you so much! awwww!"
Please. Not only does that normally annoy the hell out of the person
being hugged, but it shows how desperate the hugger is for physical
contact with another human being. If you are one of these people you need
to get help. As much as I hate the idea of drugs being used to treat
psychological problems, I think they should create some kind of treatment
that instantly makes the person puke whenever they get the idea of
hugging someone into their head. You know, just like in the movie
Clockwork Orange where the guy gets really sick whenever a sadistic
thought enters his noggin. Screw it, they should just make a therapy that
kills the person as soon as they get the urge to say "hey there!" to
someone they hardly even know.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again:
ACQUAINTANCES ARE WORTHLESS.
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