Been to a Concert Recently?

Rock show sabotage!
32 surefire ways to ruin a
show for the suckers who actually paid to get in.
Entirely conceived (and partially attempted) by Henry Owings & Brian
Teasley

1. De-tune heads while band is eating dinner.

2. Hit power breaker during band’s set. [Classic]

3. Cover back of guitar neck with Vaseline.

4. Throw (lit or unlit) fireworks on stage.

5. Fake a fight with a friend during a ballad.

6. Open jar of deer hunting urine musk on stage seconds before
the band performs (note: also yell “Looks like the rut is starting early
this year” during set).

7. Bee’s nest inside kick drum microphone hole.

8. Pay ten girls to chant “Rapist!” at the lead singer.

9. Be in the opening band and play the headlining band’s set
before them.

10. Get a job as the house sound guy and put flange on everything.
After the band’s set, tell them you used to be Tears for Fears touring
sound guy.

11. Bring a megaphone and repeat all the band’s in between song
chatter.

12. Convince local Nazi organizations that the band features former
members of Skrewdriver.

13. Two words: Pepper Spray.

14. Hide an amp near the stage and play along in the bathroom via a
wireless unit.

15. Spike band’s water with LSD or Ecstasy.

16. Glue all the picks to the stage floor.

17. Throw $10,000 of fake money into the crowd seconds before the
band’s encore.

18. Set fire to a bag of leaves (or hair) and throw it on the
soundboard.

19. Get a photo pass for the show, and bring an 1890’s era (read:
pull the hood over your head to take the picture) camera which must be
set on stage in order for it to work.

20. Call all local radio stations and tell them the show is
cancelled. (extra points for rescheduling show for the next week at the
local humane shelter and/or rival club)

21. Hire a professional wrestler to challenge the singer to a match.

22. Help band load in early, telling the band you’re part of the
club staff. Then fifteen minutes into their set, give them the “pointing-
at-your-watch-pissed-off” face, mouthing that they have one more song
left.

23. Get all of your friend’s to help throw 5,000 teabags at the
drummer throughout the entire show. (Bonus: try to hit his water cup and
make actual tea!)

24. Make fictitious pornographic video tape boxes featuring the
band’s logo and their faces on the actors/actresses. When the merch guy
is gone for even a second, stuff the video tapes in the t-shirt box.
Immediately call the cops and inform them that the band is distributing
pornographic material to minors. Stand back and watch the drama unfold.

25. Lock band in dressing room as the crowd chants for an encore.
[Classic]

26. Hook a CD player in the soundboard and play studio versions of
the band’s songs over the PA while they perform the exact same songs live.

27. Bring your dog to the show where the guitarist jumps into the
crowd (e.g. The Mooney Suzuki) and claim he kicked your dog. Cause as
much of a ruckus as you can.

28. Put cooking grease on the stage prior to performance.

29. Pull fire alarm during band’s set. [Classic]

30. Tell the soundman you’re there from a dot com fanzine to record
the show, and run an auxiliary out of the vocals to a harmonizer allowing
you to detune anything in any fashion you see fit.

31. Have a banner rigged at the back of the stage that you can
control to have pulled down and at height of performance, trigger the
release of the “We Suck Dick For Crack” banner.

32. Pay the local pregnant crack whore to claim the bass player got
her pregnant for “His Mama’s Baby.”